Friday evening was pretty mellow and we did infact, spend the entire night on the couch, catching up and drinking Pinot Noir.... But, Saturday was a busy day of shopping, mani/pedis, and fun. By noon, we had both found the perfect outfit for the party, however Daisy decided she needed a little something extra to complete the look, and after trying the outfit on at home, I agreed with her. With that decided, we set out once again to the local shopping establishment in search of that perfect accessory.
After battling the usual weekend traffic and crowds, and shopping for another hour and a half, we still werent able to find that coveted missing piece to Daisy's puzzle. Defeated, we made our way out of the shopping center, and back to the car. As we strolled past chic little boutiques and swanky salons, something caught our eye. It was one of those glossy posters for a tanning salon with a beautifully bronzed couple on it, smiling and laughing as they strolled off into the sunset together on the shore of somewhere more tropical than Southern California. It then occurred to Daisy that perhaps a nice bronzed tan just might be more perfect than that gold piece of bling we had envisioned but were still not able to find yet. "Yes! A tan it is!", Daisy exclaimed, so in we walked.
Inside the salon were greeted by a nice young lady who looked as if she were the spawn of George Hamilton and an Oompa Loompa. Its funny, because I didnt know it was considered a desirable quality to look like you just had a terrible accident involving a large bag of Cheetos and a gallon jug of bleach, but it must be because they allowed this "It" Girl wannabe to work in their salon. Personally, I thought this to be a mistake myself, because it just did not give off a favorable impression of the salon and its services. Outside they advertised beautiful people with beautiful bronze tans, but inside, you were greeted by a younger version of Magda, from Theres Something About Mary, and well... right click the link and open it in a new window to look for yourself. Yeah, thats what I thought too, it leaves you feeling hornswagled, doesnt it?!
As you can guess, I opted not to explore the world of Mystic Tanning, and quietly questioned Daisy if she really thought this was a good idea. Of course, she made a good point that little Magda probably tanned every single day, and this was going to be a one time thing to just give her a little bit of a glow. After talking for a few minutes to a rather handsome and goldenly bronzed gentleman, Daisy was sold. She decided she would go with the airbrush tan, and that was much better than Mystic Tanning "Mr Golden Tan" himself had told her, because it was applied by a salon professional and would be much more even and natural looking. Well, it certainly better be for $50 I thought to myself!
The procedure took about half an hour, so I decided to go run a quick errand. When I came back, Daisy was waiting for me at the front of the salon, but much to my surprise, she didnt look any different. When I asked her why she wasnt golden brown and looking as if shed spent a week in the Caribbean, she explained that "Mr Golden Tan" had told her it would take the tanner a few hours to develop, so she shouldnt worry. "Yeah, I was worried at first too, but he assured me by the time we get to the party I will be all glowing and beachy looking", she said. Satisfied that we had accomplished all the pre-party prep necessary for the evenings festivities, we grabbed lunch at Panera, and headed back home.
After lunch, we both took a quick nap. Feeling refreshed and exhilarated for the nights events, we began to get ready. Of course, I had to go in and check with Daisy to see if my outfit still looked as good as it did earlier at the store (its a girl thing), and was startled as I made my way to her room when I heard her scream a large string of obscenities. Worried something bad had just happened, I ran into the room.
"Whats the matter?!!", I asked a little bit scared of the answer.
"That piece of SHIT BASTARD!!", she screamed from the bathroom.
Still confused, I waited outside the door, a little nervous about what could cause a ridiculously grounded and normally cool as cucumber Daisy to curse like that.
"They totally ripped me off, Beth!!", she yelled.
"What, who?!", I asked, getting annoyed that I still didnt know what was going on.
"Mr Golden Tan, thats who!", she said sarcastically, finally opening the bathroom door.
At first, I expected her to come out looking like a Cheeto, just like little Magda at the salon, but to my astonishment, she was the same exact color as she had been when we walked into the salon.
"Well, you look a little darker, maybe it still needs a little more time before it develops", I offered hopefully, as all good BFF's do.
"It better!", she snapped, clearly not buying my little optimistic ray of sunshine.
"Well, we are going to have a great night!", she exclaimed as we stepped out the front door and headed toward the waiting taxi. "Yes we are!", I said in agreement, excited for a real night on the town with my BFF and a whole mess of other adults. The tan, or lack thereof, did not come up again, as we made our way downtown, dancing and singing at the top of our lungs as we sped down the highway.
Dinner was a blast, and we were in good spirits as it wrapped up. We made our way to the bathroom, and Daisy laughed at how upset she had been, only a few short hours ago. Coming out of the stall, I laughed and told her to look in the mirror- her tan had appeared!! Jubilantly, we hugged and giggled like tipsy girls do, and went outside to go catch a taxi to take us to the party. The night had gone from good to great, and we were excited to see where else it went from there.
Once inside the cab, Daisy made a confession. "Ok, so dont be mad at me", she said. Oh CRAP, I thought. This is never a good sentence. You just know that whatever it is prefacing will indeed, make you mad. "..but Annie and I kinda set you up tonight", she finished. A few seconds of silence passed, but I know she could tell from the look on my face that I wasnt thrilled about this. I was instantly sober, and this was not the way I had wanted to spend my girls night out.
"Hes a really nice guy, I swear! And hes wayy cute!! We think you guys will really get along!!", Daisy pleaded. Hesitantly, I said ok, because after all, this was Daisy, and she knows me better than anyone else. If she thinks we would get along well, then she is probably right. I decided to just go with it and see what happened. "Well, we will see I guess!", I said with as much excitement as I could possibly muster given the situation.
Upon arriving at Adam's house, we first stopped to talk to our mutual friend, and thank him for inviting us to the little get together. He gushed about how gorgeous we both looked, and we just smiled and said likewise. Its always nice to hear you look great, but it just seems to mean more coming from a gay man because you know he must mean it. Its not like he wants to have sex with you, ya know?
After saying our hellos, we mingled a bit, before Annie approached us. A fleeting moment of trepidation overtook me as I knew what was coming next. I say fleeting though, because as soon as they introduced me to their friend James, I was no longer worried. James was more than cute, he was pretty damn hot. Plus, his first name was pretty cool to, seeing as it is my last name. This isnt going to be so bad after all I thought to myself, and I smiled one of those "thank you!!" smiles back at Daisy as she and Annie quickly abandoned ship.
"So, Beth, I hear youre in sales", he began. The conversation flowed easily, but at first I got the inkling that perhaps this handsome and charming man was single for a reason. I couldnt quite pinpoint what it was that raised this red flag in my mind, so I just decided to let it go, and soon we found ourselves laughing and joking around, as if we had known each other forever. As the night wore on, the drinks kept on coming, and I was glad that Daisy and I had opted to take a taxi. We were certainly going to need one to take us home! "You want another?", James asked me. "Sure, Im not driving", I said smiling. I sat and admired him as he disappeared into the other room to get me another drink.
No sooner had he gone out of sight, than Daisy appeared with a wildly inquisitive twinkle in her eyes. "So....?", she asked, clearly as buzzed as me. For a minute we sat and giggled about how well things were going, until a minute turned into five. Suddenly, we realized that it was taking James a really long time to come back with our drinks, so Daisy and I decided in our tipsy laughing frenzy to go find my new pal.
As we staggered through the kitchen, we laughed at one another saying "Youre drunk!", "No, youre drunk!!", and argued like a couple of idiots. Then it happened.... We found James, and suddenly, neither of us were drunk any longer. It was one of those moments they show on sitcoms where the record gets scratched as the music gets cut off, and all of the sudden you snap back to reality. What did we see? C'mon, what do you think?! We happened upon the very hot, charming and interesting guy I had been set up with, making out with some other girl. What an asshole!!
When James saw me, out of the corner of his eye, he abruptly stopped kissing the girl, and said something completely stupid:
"Hey babe, heres your drink!", as if he hadnt just polished the tonsils of some other chick just 2 seconds prior.
"Oh please, dont stop on my account", I said as sarcastically as possible.
"What?", he said, confused.
"Ummm, what are you doing?!!", I snapped, pointing at the girl who his arm was still around.
"What?!", he exclaimed, "I came here to meet you!", he continued with a bewildered look on his face, as if he hadnt quite figured out what was going on.
"And ummm....", he continued, a horrified look crossing his face as if he only now just realizing he was embracing some skanky whore who most certainly was NOT me.
"Thats right, you came here tonight for the sole purpose of meeting me, and then you go and do something stupid like THAT", I snapped, again guesturing to the dirty whore who just ruined my night.
"I didnt mean to!! I came in to get you a drink, and I dont know!...", he continued, but too late, his pleading falling on deaf ears.
As we gathered up our things to leave, and say our goodbyes, Annie found us, and tried to smooth things over with me. Were all a little drunk she reasoned, it was an honest mistake. Be that as it may, I said, I simply would not purposely go out with a guy who makes out with other women, any time he drinks. I thanked her for thinking of me, and said goodnight to Adam. I was officially over it!! So we waited for our cab, and dispiritedly climbed in for the long ride home.
The ride home was eerily similar to the time we spent getting ready to go out. Except, this time I was the one who got the shaft, and Daisy certainly knew better than to try to cheer me up with a load of BS cliches. Its nice to have a friend who gets you like that, and doesnt take your silence personally, as if you are mad at them. I dont know what Id do without Daisy!
As we walked into the house, Daisy said "Well Elizabeth, I told you we would have an adventure tonight!". And we both laughed. "As always, you were right", I conceded. It was truly an adventure I thought to myself, as I headed off to my room.
Just as I settled into bed, suddenly very tired, my heart nearly exploded when I heard the scream from the next room....
"OH MY GOD!!! MOTHER F*CKER!!!", Daisy screamed.
"Its NOT funny...", Daisy began to scream, her scream dissolving into laughter by the end of the statement.
There we stood at 430am on Sunday morning, and laughed like two idiots. In my opinion, this fit of laughter was a culmination of all the little mishaps of the day and evening, triggered by this last event that was so funny. We laughed so hard, tears streamed down both our faces...
So what happened to make Daisy scream, and both of us nearly piss our pants? Well, remember the whole tanning incident in the beginning of the story? Well, turns out that not only did it take longer for the airbrushed tan to develop than "Mr. Golden Tan" led us to believe, it also had an unfortunate side effect that he, ahem, *forgot* to mention... the orangish tan rubbed off all over Daisy's new clothes! The new white sweater halter she had bought, and sexy rhinestone studded jeans, were now ruined.
"I cant believe this!!", Daisy said.
"I paid $50 for this damned airbrush tan, and it not only did it not come out beautiful bronze, it stained my new clothes Cheeto orange!!", she fumed.
"And Ill bet that pervert at the salon enjoyed it too!", she continued...
"What do you mean?", I asked.
"Youre naked and the guy sprays you- Mr Golden Tan did it", she said.
"Wow, and he didnt even buy you dinner first!", I quipped.
"I know!!", she said, totally indignant.
So we stood there and laughed about the irony of it all for another minute or two, until exhaustion finally set in, and we said our goodnights. The next morning we slept in pretty late, until 9am. Hey, thats sleeping in for us! As we sat and enjoyed our coffee on the purple couch, we couldnt help but start to mull over the nights experiences and analyze them.
No sooner had we put the whole James issue to bed, and decided it wasnt meant to be, than something completely unexpected happened. My cell phone rang, but I didnt recognize the number. Curious, I listened to the voicemail, only to find out it was James! The asshole actually had the nerve to call and ask me out as if nothing inappropriate had transpired last night.
Moral of the story? Men are pigs!
Just kidding.
Always trust your instincts!!
Your first impression is always right. If the very first thought that enters your mind is "theres something rotten in Denmark here", then you are almost always right about it. Of course, I am not saying never trust anyone, but if something is nagging you in the back of your mind about a person or situation, proceed with caution! Studies have actually shown scientifically that your intuition picks up on things that are very subtle, and about 95% of the time your first intuition or impression of a person are dead on accurate (Dont believe me? Check out Blink by Malcolm Gladwell).
Or, you could always opt to end up stained orange like a Cheeto, or on a date with some guy who makes out with another girl, and then calls the next day wanting to see you again. But personally, I wouldnt recommed it.
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