Luca and I have been living with my family for the past few months, and because we are not just down the street anymore, Mark has requested to keep Luca 2 nights a week. Now, when he told me this, I was ecstatic!! Not only at the thought of getting to have a little time to myself, but more importantly at the thought of Luca getting some one-on-one daddy time that he has not experienced for the first two years of his life. I was also blown away because I had planned to talk to Mark and propose just such an arrangement, but hadnt gotten around to it yet.
Taken aback a bit, I was pleasantly surprised by Mark's desire to step up and help out more with his son. Normally I would have to listen to him complain for half an hour about how hard his life is if I asked for something as small as a box of diapers for our child, or for him to take him for a few hours so I could go to the gym. For the past 2 1/2 years I nearly had to pay him to watch his own child, but this time it was his suggestion.
Actually, in all fairness to Mark, he has been helping out much more in the past 6 months. Thats right, lets give him a little credit. The last 6 months he has helped me out by watching Luca for 3 hours, every Tuesday night.
(.....pausing.....)
I know, Ill give you all a minute for the standing ovation.
Gold star for you Mark!!
Anyhow, moving right along!!
The arrangement we made included Mark picking Luca up from his nanny 2 days a week, and then bringing him back to her the following morning. I cannot tell you how much this has helped me out, and I have not failed to mention my gratitude to him each and every time he would do so without having to be told. Isnt it amazing that while you absolutely LOVE your child more than life itself, getting just a little bit of time to yourself helps you recoup so you can be a better parent. Mark's help has been a GODSEND these last two months.
So, the last two months have been hectic, but not unbearable any longer. While Luca still does wake up at least once a night, it is not nearly as bad as it has been the last 2 1/2 years. And, 2 nights a week, I actually get to sleep the entire night through, and dont have to get up at 5am to take him to daycare. I know!! I hardly know what to do with myself anymore!! Sometimes I actually have the energy to run 10 miles a day, not just 6 or 7. Its been BLISS!!
Relatively breezing through life lately, I was caught off guard last week when I received *THE* call. (Sigh) I shouldve known better, because as we all know, all good things eventually come to an end. I guess I am just an eternal optimist! What good thing did *THE* call bring to an end you ask? Well what else? The peace!! My bliss!
Last Friday, I got what I thought was the routine call from Mark, telling me how fun things were last night, and how good it is to get to spend time with his son. Alas, it was not so. Immediately after answering the call, I could tell he was beyond irritated:
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR SON DID LAST NIGHT?!"... he screamed angrily.
Note: this is never a good way for a conversation to begin- theres nowhere to go but down in flames from here.
Rolling my eyes, I remarked, "No, but I bet youre going to tell me!!", but with a smile. People can hear a smile on the phone, ya know!!
Mark then proceeded to scream at me for 15 minutes straight, about how "terrible and horrible" MY son was last night. What was the problem you ask? What can a 2 year old possibly do to a 33 year old man to bring him to such a rage? I had to stifle guttural laughter as he outlined his ordeal for me.
"YOUR SON WAS UP ALL NIGHT LONG! ALL NIGHT BETH, NO SLEEPING AT ALL!!!", he screamed.
Calmy, I answered "yeah?".
"ALL NIGHT!! He screamed BLOODY murder from 1030pm to 445am!!", he added indignantly.
Again, merely a nod in agreement from me, "yeah?"
It pretty much continued like this for, honest to God, 15 minutes. And, by the grace of God, I managed not to laugh or yell back even once. I just sat and listened, and kept agreeing with him, because I was all to familar with this scenario.
When he stopped for a moment, as if to let it all sink in for me, I calmly asked him:
"Mark, dont you remember how I have been telling you this for more than 2 years now?".
He didnt answer. I went on to tell him that I was very sorry about what happened, because I certainly know how difficult it can be when Luca wont sleep, but it is all part of being a parent.
Naturally, he didnt like that answer. After all, this is not what he was used to, and therefore unacceptable!! He then went on to say probably the dumbest thing of the entire year. Seriously, Im thinking of calling the Guinness folks to apply for the world record....
Are you ready? This is the money right here people! The punchline of the conversation....
Mark actually said to me: (drum roll building)
"Beth, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND what its like!!"
I know, Ill give you a minute. I almost choked when I heard that statement break the air!
Yes, he actually said THOSE exact words! "Beth, you dont understand what its like!". And, whats more, he lived to tell about it! I mean, usually when people commit such blasphemy, they burst into flames, or get shot down by lightening from above. But, as we all know by now, I am not that lucky...
So Mark's tirade didnt end with "you dont understand". It continued for another 15 minutes about how I dont understand what it is like to be trapped in a little apartment with a screaming child, and get next to no sleep. After all, he has neighbors who were not happy either!! I did actually fire back a little on that one, saying well hes right, I dont know about neighbors, because I lived in that remote rural area of San Clemente when we lived there. No one around miles!!
Again, he was not amused, he was SERIOUS!! Luca cried and screamed all night long, his neighbors were not happy, he hardly got any sleep, and when Luca wasnt crying, he was totally needy and wouldnt let him (Mark) get anything done. It was simply the hardest week of his life.
While I did not get mean and nasty with him (hand on the Bible!!), I quietly walked him through all the evidence which points to the fact the he has his head firmly planted up his ass, away from the light of day, and is thus why he could possibly think his misery is unique and I cannot thefore understand it.
Again, I told him how sorry I am that it was so hard, but that I absolutely do know what it is like. How many times had I called him and asked him to come help me so that I could get just a couple of hours of sleep?? How many times had I called crying, begging for him to help me because I was so sick that I couldnt hold the baby anymore? How many times did I call and plead with him to just come and take Luca for 2 hours so that I could get some things done? The answer was rhetorical, and neither of us said it out loud. I went on to assure him, I DID know what its like, perhaps better than any other human being on the face of the earth.
Now you might think that perhaps this actually got through to him, but sadly, you would be wrong! C'mon, did you actually expect for him to get it?! I think by now we have established that Mark lives in his own dimension- one where time, truth, and reality are all relative. Things dont really happen in this world, unless they happen to Mark!! This was the first time Mark had experienced our child going bonkers as I had been telling him for ages that Luca tends to do, so this was the first time it has actually happened! And, by that line of logic, it is completely reasonable to assume that I truly cannot possibly understand what kind of an ordeal it was for poor Mark.
How did the conversation end you ask?
Mark burst into flames!!
Not really, he ended our conversation by saying:
"Frankly, I just dont know how much longer I can go on like this Beth. This is no way to live."
And there you have it.
By coincidence, at that exact moment, somewhere some totally unexpecting Italian-Canadian man was hit by a stray lightening bolt.
Lucky me.
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