And, doesnt it always seem to happen too, that once you finally break free from driving-BEHIND-Miss Daisy, that you inevitably next encounter, the BUS! That DAMNED bus!! Going slow, and of course then stopping to let out passengers, as all the other cars in the lanes next to you go zinging by, honking rudely at you because youre trying to get out from behind the flippin bus.
(Sigh) The bus...
So tonight I was in this very situation, on my way to have dinner with an old college buddy Dr. Ravioli. I only call him this because no one actually knows how to correctly pronounce his last name. In fact, come to think of it, I dont even think I know how to spell it. It starts with an Flo, then there is an R in there somewhere, and some L's and I's, and I know it sounds like Ravioli at the end. For simplicity's sake, we shall do as everyone else does and either just call him Dr. Dave, or Dr. Ravioli.
But I digress...
Anyhow, I was on my way to have dinner with Dr. Dave, when I encountered Mother Earth. Thankfully, it didnt take me more than half of a block to liberate myself from her speed sucking gravitational pull. Haha!! I was once again flying down the road, confident I would indeed be there by my original ETA. Optimistically, I mused at how fortunate I had been to have missed most of the traffic, when it happened. What happened? What do you think?! Just as fate would have it, my happy thoughts were interrupted as, of course, I next found myself behind the bus. Fate is a sick son of a bitch.
As I watched helplessly bemoaning my fate, the tirade against public transportation began inside my head. Cars sped past me on both sides, and there was nothing I could do. By this time, I was so annoyed, that I didnt even stop to wonder what kind of bus in fact this was because it was not in the slow lane. I was just pissed I was going to possibly be 3 minutes late. I HATE being late, even if no one else is on time. I know, its a sickness.
Finally, I saw my opportunity, and I seized it! YES!!!! Freedom!! Only then did it occur to me that this bus looked a lot different than most buses. Same size yes, but different colors. This was about as far as my thought process went, because mere seconds later, I was in front of the it, and once again on track. Fate could kiss my ass.
I know what youre thinking....FAMOUS LAST WORDS. Famous last words indeed.
It wasnt until I sped around the bus, and got in front of it, that I read what was on the front. The initials O.C.P.D S.W.A.T were painted on the front, but they were seperated by this cheesy cartoonish eagle, so it was more like. What a lame looking eagle, who uses an eagle on an RV or bus, I thought to myself. Then, I looked closer.
O.C.P.D (cheesy eagle graphic) S.W.A.T.
No sooner had it occurred to me that this was actually Orange County Police Department SWAT team, than I saw the flashing lights....
Holy Mother of God, I had sped in front of the friggin SWAT team!! And, now, they were pulling me over in their "bus", which I would learn was actually one of their mobile command centers.
At first, I was like WTF?! Can the SWAT team even pull someone over?! But then I thought to myself: hello, cops with big guns who usually kill people, pull the hell over!!
As I pulled over to the side of the road, I seriously didnt even know what to say, and my mind went blank. It was totally surreal. I watched in terror as an officer emerged from the bus wearing body armor, and came up to rap on my window.
"Do you know how fast you were going?", he asked, looking tired as hell.
"Ummmm, no. I sped up to pass you. I wouldve slowed down as soon as I was clear of you.", I said nervously.
"You were going like 50", he said with a slight sigh. "Can I see your license and registration?"
And heres the part where I kinda floated out of my body, and watched this happen from up above....
"Really? Youre gonna give me a ticket or something? Cmon, I was just trying to get around you, I didnt know it was the SWAT team..", I said incredulously.
The officer looked surprised, and didnt say anything.
"I mean, dont YOU hate getting stuck behind the damned bus?! It always happens when you just want to get home, or are trying to get somewhere on time.", I blurted out.
The officer sighed again, and seemed to consider what I had just said. I was sure I was toast at this point, and couldnt even believe I had had the audacity to say this in the first place. But, then something unexpected happened....
"Youve got a point there.", he said. "Just keep it within the legal limits, ok?", he said as he turned and walked back to his mobile command center.
See, its NOT just me!! No one likes getting stuck behind that DAMNED bus!! I guess fate isnt the big of a son of a bitch after all. Or maybe he is, and thats what the officer was afraid of.
I managed to arrive only 5 minutes late, but somehow, this time, I didnt really get all bent out of shape about it.
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