Im getting MARRIED, December 22nd!!

So, I got this email today from Daisy, and I nearly pissed myself when I read it. It is a continuation of "So when are YOU getting married?", and its hilarious. I couldnt have thought up better responses myself, so here they are for you. Enjoy!!

Helloooooooo Elizabeth!

Happy Sunday! I finally got my computer squared away. Some how I had spyware down loaded on my computer and I couldn't get it off. Anyway.........I finally got to reading your blogs. I always laugh my ass off!

So I was having a continuation of thoughts on our dreadful topic of "When are you going to get married?", and I thought it would be appropriate to formulate a list of fitting responses. Of course there are different levels of responses based on gender, relationship, number of offences one may have committed, and tone one uses. Though some of these responses may seem a little on the harsh side, I am quite certain that the frequency of inquiries about your marital future with diminish significantly.

Offender #1: This offender is usually a friend or family member who means no harm and they only want to see you happy. They do not ask often, but it is still slightly annoying.

Response : "I am waiting on my next paycheck."

or

" March 16th" as you think in your head "Like I freakin know dumb ass."

Basically, you are letting them know that a stupid question results in a stupid answer.

Offender #2: This offender the is person who is married and thinks that single people must be miserable. They sincerely feel that their experience and life is superior and more validated hence their status ( as noted from Tales From The Purple Couch ). This person quite possibly may even be having challenges in their marriage, but they still see it as better than being alone.

Response: "When are you going to divorce dickless wonder you married?"

or

"Shes pretty. And YOUNG. You got a pre-nup, right?!"

Offender #3: This offender is the ultimate offender. This person asks you only to make sure that you are aware that you are single and probably always will be. Their tone is condescending. This person thinks that you are too picky and should settle for less because you will never be in another relationship let alone marriage if you don't lower your standards. Hell, they did! Arent you jealous?!

Response: "When are your MOM leaves town."

or

"When you get antibiotics for your Crotch Rot."

See........Always attack or refer to the genitalia. It always will get your point across.

Talk to ya soon!

Love Daisy

See why I love her?!